The Secret For Getting Your Message Heard – Loud And Clear

Lesson 3
The Secret For Getting Your Message Heard – Loud And Clear
For good or bad, and it’s a debate that may have nothing to do with us father’s, being a “good boy” in court and doing what’s expected of us is dead. It’s gone, buried, forget it
So if you say to me, it’s really tough out here in my state, or you don’t understand that this judge is prejudiced, I’m going to tell you, firstly, that it’s no different anywhere else and that you “must” leverage your resources. It’s matching your message with the “right” person that needs to hear it; finding that decision-maker in your case, whether it be the judge, the family law evaluator, psychologist, or parenting plan evaluator.
And it begs the issue of focusing your resources with the goal of impacting the people in your case who are perfectly matched with what it is that you have to say and who truly have a substantial influence in your case. [Hint is usually not only the judge as we’d all like to believe].So we’re going to start to talk about targeting the key people in your case. We’ll take a few minutes on this. And if you know nothing else about family law and legal representation, you’ll instantly understand the first thing on the list.
The first thing is to find out who is the decision maker in the case. And, at first, you may think that this is the judge, when, in reality the judge usually follows the recommendations of someone, whether its an evaluator, a Guardian Ad Litem, or even legal counsel recommendations. Contrary to popular belief, judges “don’t” like to make decisions, they like to rubber stamp someone else’s findings; especially if they have credentials.
I can guarantee, that if there’s an evaluation of some kind going on; from parenting “evals” to property appraisals, the judge is going to place heavy emphasis on these peoples’ decisions. So, make certain you realize this and try to influence these people as much as possible. The best way to do this is to submit information to them in writing and attach references and sworn declarations supporting your position.
Don’t get me wrong, you’re not brown nosing, you’re just trying to manipulate effectively.
If there are not evaluators in your case, then maybe the judge will follow the “logical” recommendations of legal counsel. So, even the opposing side attorney, is a person that you can try to impress, manipulate and negotiate with; even if you can’t talk to the “X.”
Remember, you must be persistent in court and try to settle at the same time. One of my favorite sayings for Father’s in family law situations is to “Exert pressure to gain relief!” It’s also advisable to contact the opposing side --- kind of like fishing. Throw the settlement line out there once in a while to see if they’ll bite; but, also let them know that your persistence and determination will not go away until fairness is achieved.
Why You Want To Be More Clever Than Opposing Side
Many people think because they’re not an attorney they’re at a disadvantage in representing themselves. Or, because they’re men, that they can’t win. Again, nothing could be further from the truth! In fact, your strength in who you are and just being yourself “can” be your strongest advantage. Forget the case law and the “legal-mumbo-jumbo”. Present an “emotional-gut-level” appeal to the court and to the influential people in your case --- don’t give up, and you’ll be absolutely amazed at what can happen.
The opposing side attorney is typically “cold” and has no real interest in the case. And, this shows, no matter how much he pretends or how much legal knowledge and experience he has. So, you may think that you’re at a disadvantage, when really you’ve got the upper hand. Use it!
I’m in my office one day and I get a phone call from a Father. He says, “Look, I’ve tried your methods. Most recently, I’ve spent a great deal of time organizing my case. I’ve followed the ideas in your system. I’ve been writing up detailed pleadings till I’m blue in the face. I’ve followed your examples perfectly and I’m still getting screwed.”
This is not a good call. So I’ve got to ask questions. Turns out this guy is going through a divorce and owns his own business, making a good deal of income. I said, “Okay, are there court orders in the case yet? He said, “Yes, I went to court with my attorney and the judge didn’t read a word of what I wrote.” “She got everything.”
I said, “Okay, what can you tell me about the hearing.” “What type of hearing was it.” He said, it was a hearing on a restraining order in which she made false allegations --- all lies!” I said, “ok, you need to understand that at a restraining order hearing the judges job is to, basically, separate the parties and make certain he’s not going to see them back in court again on these issues.”
I went on to say that, “you need to understand that this sort of hearing is at the infancy stages of the case and that the resulting order is merely a “band-aid.” There are many things still left to do to change matters radically!”
You don’t know how many Father’s figure they’re screwed; even at this initial stage. They really don’t pursue anything much further. Even their attorney’s help perpetrate the myth that there’s not much else you can do, so they don’t have to do any more work than is absolutely necessary. [Obviously, this is not the case with all lawyers] This is why you must absolutely be involved in your case – directing traffic! And, for this you need real concrete information.
That information is readily available if you know where to look for it and how to get it, so you can precisely give yourself the greatest probability of success.
Are You Wasting Your Money Being a By-Stander In Your Case?
To prove to him the incredible importance of all this, we did some free research for him. I got a copy of his resulting orders and read both her paperwork and his. I come to find out that he was right, just a bunch of “nonsense” that couldn’t be proven either way. “Unfortunately,” I explained to him, “this kind of nonsense is “very common” in domestic cases and especially at the infancy stages of a case.
And by the way, if you haven’t done a little field research in your case and you haven’t observed “live” courtroom hearings in the exact same court room that you’ll be appearing in, venture out. Take a look. You’ve got to go into their own habitat, right when family law hearings begin is a good time. It’s when you’ll find all the “players” in a position where you can check them out without feeling intimidated, without anything on the line and without them realizing who you are.
So we’re discussing his case and digging further into actually what happened and how he “supposedly” got screwed. And here’s what we find. Although his soon-to-be “X” wife asked for an order of protection, the judge went ahead and set child support and visitation anyway. I explained to him that the judge really didn’t have the “jurisdiction” to make this kind of decision since the “X” really didn’t ask for it. I also explained that if he didn’t object to it and appeal or revise the order --- that it would stand. In fact, if you don’t complain about it, this coupled together with the passage of time, actually sets a precedent and works to your extreme disadvantage to change the order in the future.
He explained to me that he didn’t realize he could appeal it. This is often the case with most Father’s. Too often they accept whatever the judge “doles out” --- without ever contesting it or complaining about it in the proper fashion. You must say the right thing, in the right manner, to the right person to obtain the results you’re looking for! If any of those ingredients are missing, you lessen the likelihood of getting what you want.
I say to the Father, “you must appeal each and every decision if it’s not in your favor.” “This accomplishes two very important things. 1) You increase the odds of improving your order and 2) This places more pressure on the other side; increasing their costs – both financial and emotional.”
I call this the “Paper Blizzard” technique. Part of the technique is to wear out the other side --- like pealing and onion – it just keeps getting worse and worse for the “X” – crying more and more. “You see’” I said, “you’ve got to give them a reason to settle.” Without pressure on the other side --- the proper motivation so to speak, she’ll keep asking for more and more and “snicker” at you along the way. This technique levels the playing field!
The second big question to ask yourself, in your own way, are you making the same, dumb mistakes, wasting bullets on targets that even if you hit them, it doesn’t count? The biggest leverage you are going to find is taking small, efficient, steps to get big results. A small amount of persistent, learning, understanding and using Father’s rights winning techniques will gain you “big” results!
Let’s assume for the sake of our conversation, we figured that out. We’ve got two of the three things. We’ve got a powerful, emotion-driven, message. At it’s core, a great proposition for the court. And we have found exactly who we want to deliver the message to and we have excluded a whole bunch of people we do not want to waste time on. So we’ve got a great message, we’ve got great potential.
What do we need next to be successful? You'll discover that in lesson 4. www.fathershelphotline.com